I really really really want to write a whole lot about what's been going on, but I'm just tired. Tired of class, tired of not getting paid to do treatments/vent checks/taking care of patients, tired of coming home feeling depressed that my chances of getting a job are slim after TRYING so hard to be the best possible RT I can be, tired of coming up short in my relationship because i'm so tired and busy all the time. I keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass', and singing "mamma said there would be days like this" and venting to nurses and just about anyone else that will listen to me. I'm sure I sound pretty pathetic right now. Jeeze. Everyone goes through this whole working for free at clinical phase, but the silly thing is I'm actually paying the school to send me to work. Is that really the definition of masochism?
Perhaps my perception of how I've been doing at clinical is skewed. I got really excited about this one job, and I have to be ok with not getting it. There are other jobs out there, and I need to start getting serious about applying at my back up places. It will be all ok in the long run, but I've just got to keep pushing through the crazy to get to the other side of all this mess.
Sleeping pill is kicking in. It's time for me to get my clinical stuff together and get to bed early. I'll try and write a more upbeat post next time. I also want to be honest to other new students about how your life changes quite a bit while juggling all this stuff.
later gators
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