pooped

The patient pooped the bed, and the student is all pooped out.

It's strange how my opinion of bodily fluids has changed after working in health care for close to a year. I'm immune I suppose. Except for very pungent smells... I still get a little nauseous with that.

I have three weeks left at clinical, and just under a month left in the program. I've basically already hit rock bottom a few times this past year, so I'm keeping my chin up even after a series of set backs. If I don't get a job within a few months of graduating I am seriously considering going mia in europe for a month. I'm thinking of hiking a really really long trail in Spain, but that's still conditional on this whole job market. Right now it pretty much sucks. I just hope that some positions open up very soon.

I don't really know what else to say for now. My brain is unfortunately not functioning at capacity. I have two more days of work this week and then I'm out of the MICU. I'm going to go hang out with some babies for the remainder of the program and learn a thing or two, hopefully.

I do wish I could write a more upbeat post, but I have nothing right now. I'm just trying to run the clock down right now.

crazyface

I really really really want to write a whole lot about what's been going on, but I'm just tired. Tired of class, tired of not getting paid to do treatments/vent checks/taking care of patients, tired of coming home feeling depressed that my chances of getting a job are slim after TRYING so hard to be the best possible RT I can be, tired of coming up short in my relationship because i'm so tired and busy all the time. I keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass', and singing "mamma said there would be days like this" and venting to nurses and just about anyone else that will listen to me. I'm sure I sound pretty pathetic right now. Jeeze. Everyone goes through this whole working for free at clinical phase, but the silly thing is I'm actually paying the school to send me to work. Is that really the definition of masochism?

Perhaps my perception of how I've been doing at clinical is skewed. I got really excited about this one job, and I have to be ok with not getting it. There are other jobs out there, and I need to start getting serious about applying at my back up places. It will be all ok in the long run, but I've just got to keep pushing through the crazy to get to the other side of all this mess.

Sleeping pill is kicking in. It's time for me to get my clinical stuff together and get to bed early. I'll try and write a more upbeat post next time. I also want to be honest to other new students about how your life changes quite a bit while juggling all this stuff.

later gators