On writing

... In tonight's program we will feature the amazing writing of The Dirty Poet in, Emergency Room Wrestling.

"i stick in a nasal trumpet
i stick in an oral airway
i stick a suction catheter up his nose
triggering a vast bubble of yellow bile out his mouth
step back! i shoutthe room screams"

I haven't finished it all quite yet. I don't want it to end. A page a day. Such a good think in moderation. 

I've written a lot of poetry before. Some of it I've let fall away into the back of my mind, but this book had kind of made me want to try my hand at it again. I think writing is quite possibly the only thing that has saved me time in and time out in my life. It's most poignant when I'm travelling. Or, I should say when I have enough free time to be alone and be compelled to pick the pen or laptop.

Well. Work is changing. I'll report more on the through analysis in coming weeks. 

I'm so. so. so. so VERY tired of dating. I know I've said it once, but it needs to be repeated. My personal life hasn't been much discussed here recently. I guess it just changes so often. For now, single is what I will be. I  just can't keep forcing anything that isn't right. If you roam back to the ancient times of this-blog-past, you'd encounter the "boyfriend" posts. I loved this man so much. I had myself convinced he was my person. My whole world. And in one phone call it was all shattered. The wall I built up around my heart to protect it has become and obstacle no one could even try to scale. I feel like there's no more chemistry out there. And that makes me cry. 

For what it's worth, I'm still hopeful.

Good night for now. I have some hilarious stuff coming soon. 

Per request...

Here's an update:

I really really really dislike a particular micu that's a dump for ENT. I will not go into the atrocious details, but suffice to say that many integral parts of the patients faces are missing. And trachs. Not just your standard LTAC-type either. Fresh, oozy, bulb suctions abound, and quite miserable (and insanely needy) looking trachs. I have been isolated in this particular ICU for the better part of two weeks and tonight was the last straw. Vent checks take 2x longer just because the sky is blue, and orders that should have been put days ago exist only in verbal order limbo. I know this ICU is short staffed, but holding a morbidly obese leg up for a foley placement wasn't exactly covered in my critical care classes. So. There comes a point where you just sigh, and say to yourself that it has to be done, and you need to do it because you are there, and no one else isn't. Even if it isn't in your job description.

I wish I had time to look at patients admitting papers. I wish I had time to look over their most recent labs. I wish I could have talked to the family members just a little longer so they knew what was happening to grandma. I wish my charting and charging systems weren't on completely different applications. But, the main point I take away from tonight, was that the care that I could provide to keep patients alive, was all I could afford to give tonight.  I felt over-loaded to say the least, but an amazing co-worker was there to check on me periodically. I cannot even express the gratitude I have for this RT. He's an anomaly, and I could only aspire to be as smart, witty, balanced, humble and honest as he is. I'm very lucky to have such great friend.

They say that ICU delirium only affects patients...I disagree. I'm back to work on Saturday and I can only pray to little baby Jesus that I will have only floors. I need a break from critical care, although floors can turn into a perfect critical care mess in the turn of a corner.

But the crazy thing is that I love what I do. I like biology, and I like patient interaction. So, I will keep going, because I know I can recover on my day(s) off and come back fresh.

Enough of the work stuff. Here's some random thoughts I've had recently:
-I will never have beautiful legs. And I have no clue where the bruises come from
-I'm tired of dating, and just want to find my own puffin
-My house and dog are wonderful. I'm terrible at decorating though. And lawnmowers
-Trader Joe's kettle corn popcorn is crack cocaine
-It's been raining in Georgia for the. whole. entire. summer
-It does not impress me when boys have their shirts off at the climbing gym
-I need to change the title of this blog since I'm no longer a student
-Try not to get into serious discussions about bilevel/APRV when exceedingly tired


Enough for now. I need a bath and a few cuddles with my dog. Keep strong, my friends. I'm always around and I will try to be better about updating.

Keeping me awake

So. It's four am. I'm tired and it's not time for my last cup of coffee. Occasionally I'll sign up for these darn 16 hr shifts. You should have seen me earlier today. It was like I was a five year old begging not to have to take a bath when I had to leave to go to work. At least I can handle the 16 hr shift better when I don't know it is coming. Those random days I'll come into work at 3pm, thinking it's just a regular ole 8 hrs, and then there's a call out, and next thing you know I'm stocking up on redbull in the gift shop before it closes and holding on for 7am. They always say it's better if you don't know it's comin...

Four am seems to be the time that I start to get existential with my thoughts. Tonight I've generally been thinking about what it means to die gracefully. If you work in healthcare you know what I mean. Hospice vs. the full on code for an hour. Morphine vs. cracked ribs. Home comforts vs. crapping your bed minutes before you pass. I don't think it takes a genius to know where I stand on it, but yet, I'm still pushing tubes down 92 year old twigs and sticking an ailing man for serial ABGs because a new resident wants to have something to talk about at rounds tomorrow. Meh. I sound jaded. I know I do help some people every now and then. I think one of my biggest face-palms about this hospital is the ER. High rn turn over, docs I do not know very well, and a patient population as varied as any inner city hospital could be. I find it to be a very crude world, not to mention I'm the first one they call for ekgs. Monkeys can press buttons too.

But enough of that ole woe is me rant. Things could be way worse for me. I just have to make it through this weekend of work and I'm off on vacation. I shall not tell you where, as not to elicit any pangs of jealous this would undoubtedly cause you. You are most welcome.


Well. I see I've now killed forty five minutes. Now just to figure out what to do with the last two hours of work. I could go roam the hospital, but I'm le tired and I've noticed creepy individuals in certain staircases late at night. So I'll sign out for now, and maybe go have a chat with one of the hospitalists about Game of Thrones.

Chhhh ch ch ch changes

Turn and face the truth.


Well damn. Every time I log back into blogger they go and change the format and make me lose my bearings for a minute. It's ok, I've recovered.

I have some advice for the general public after working in a hospital for two years:
1. Don't drink Drano.
2. If you're going to develop a disease, go with ESRD. You get 9 lives.
3. There's no such thing as needle rape. You did tell me I could stick you for an ABG
4. You can over dose on Girl Scout cookies
5. I don't think your God(s) will save you. Medicine might. Maybe put faith in that.
6. Go to the gym. Quit smoking. Quit eating shitty food. Quit binge drinking (as I drink wine...)


Just a little humor for the fun people out there. Horray for a new post!!


June will make my second anniversary at.... that hospital that I work. It's been a wild ride so far and I just can't see myself moving anywhere else. It's had it's ups and downs, but ultimately I enjoy where I am. The friends I've made a long the way are absolutely priceless and I heart every one of them.

So work stuff aside, I just bought a new house. It's been absolutely fantastic to have a real home. I NEVER have to move again if I don't want to. It's basically adjacent to a big park here in Atlanta, and every week I've been running through said park, and eyeballing the Zoo that I will undoubtedly become a member of (mostly to stare at the otters).

Picked up rock climbing as a hobby. Scratch that. Obsession. It started so innocently. Oh, there's a fun thing to do with a boy. Ok, that boy sucks, but man I sure did have fun at the climbing gym. Wow those muscles hurt... It's a good distraction that keeps me focused on things outside of work and stress. I can listen to music and let myself go on a climb. I highly recommend it.

And that's right about where my life is right now. I'm finally coming into my adulthood without stressing about which direction to take. I'm doing what is making me happy and keeping me healthy. It's probably the first time in YEARS since I've been happy on a daily basis without it having to do with which relationship I'm in. So I'm celebrating that milestone by keeping with the trend and just being single.

Okay it's bed time. I have a date with my pillow and an early morning aimed at doing laundry, spray painting things, putting the hammock up on the porch, climbing gym, running and then  packing my suit case for a fun snowboarding trip in a matter of days...

Oooof. Blogger just updated it's format and I'm a little disoriented.

Well we are now in a new year. Everyone rejoice for 2013! I hope everyone had a lovely slingshot through the holidays. I was pretty busy with work and getting ready to buy a house. I know, I know. I'm a real adult now. Shhh don't tell the 23 year old that still lives in my body.

Packing has been such a slow process. I'm mostly just trying to organize everything right now, but I'm sure it will just come down to a few days before I move with me throwing stuff in boxes and just hoping I remember where everything goes.

I just started rock climbing. It's helped a lot with my upper body strength. I'm still on a modified diet too, which has helped me maintain my goal weight of 120lbs. I really stopped eating meat all together and tend to stick to fruits and veggies. I have been horribly lazy at training for the half marathon too, so I expect I'll be walking most of it. Hah. At least with climbing I have been exposed to a new circle of people in the city. It has kept me occupied after splitting with the BF last fall.

Work has just been work. I've spent a good bit of time in the ER during this "winter." I don't mind it so much as long as I still get rotated to other ICU's too. I had a shit day at work last week where I did a billion useless breathing treatments, and the ONLY thing that I did to actually help a patient was get them a blanket out of the warmer. Seriously.

Anyway. So those are my updates for now. I'm dragging a little, so it's time for some coffee.

Paper cuts/nine

OK.

Here I am four months later. Holidays are upon us. Thank goodness for the sling-shot into the next year.

Number one thing to remember the rest of your life in a hospital: If you have a cut on the tip of your dominant thumb, you will have a bad day. No amount of band-aids or tegaderm will be able to protect yourself from the burn of alcohol sanitizer in and out of each patient's room. Fact.

The only thing that can rival the pain from sanitizer is the SMELL of an inner city ER. Fact.

I promised updates from time to time, and here they are.

1. I've been enjoying my own adventure time outside the hospital. This provides much needed relief.

2. Training for half marathon in February. My friend made a good point in that training will bridge me to the newest episode of Walking Dead when it goes on hiatus next week.

3. Talking to myself, a whole lot. Also, going to Whole Foods and making the most immaculate salads possible. Spinach, strawberries, and a balsamic vinaigrette do wonders for your body.

4. Working. Seriously. Taking it minute by minute, day by day. Staircase  by staircase. Working towards new skills, and brushing up on existing ones. I actually keep my Sills book in my work bag. Do yourself a favor and keep that book/reference handy for your boards. I do know they are coming up. Kettering tokens work wonders for the clin sims portion. PF ratio. Are you impressed? You should be, that's all I've got right now.

5. Three days until I turn twenty seven. I get heartburn even thinking about it. Also, a very real threat of age affecting my brain. Staying in the moment really helps with that. I find that being in the city really does allow me to be independent.

6. White girl whiskey wasted. Relates to post above. Pounds to twitter on birthday, except I don't tweet.

7. Saving up time off from work. 140 hrs as it stands.

8. "Me and God" The Avett Brothers/"What Sarah Said" Deathcab for Cutie. Songs I've listened way too much in the past few weeks. I really do believe that sometimes music is the best form of expression. Of course, at least for me.

9. Ballet + yoga will do amazing things for your gluts, that is, if you care.

So enough of lists.

I just wanted to talk a smidge about what makes up happiness. It seriously is what you make of it.  The things that makes you giggle, smirk, or take a single second out of your hectic day to consider a positive moment in your existence. Some of the wisest people I've ever met, spoke of having great love within their families. I'll leave that to the breeders, for now.

I really can't believe over 4,000 people have read over my words. I just pray that my experience has helped push others in their efforts. Whether it be within respiratory, general craziness, or just to further your hatred for my whiny posts.

Thank you to all that have survived. If anything I have provided some what of comic/dumb/idiotic relief. Good night all.

There and back again

Soooo. I knew when I posted a picture of myself that this blog was no longer annonymous. I didn't think it was relavent enough for any of my co-workers to stumble upon, but for the first time ever I had someone ask me about it the other day at work. I dont mind at all that he did (hi), but it does make me think back to all of the verbose long rambling posts that I wrote out of lonliness/anger/boredom.

I didn't ever want to completely shut the blog down, mostly because I didn't want to lose all the posts. But it's time that I take down a lot of stuff that's just too personal. So I'll be weeding through the blog pulling down some stuff & archiving it for myself. Eventually the whole thing will probably come down because I just don't spend any more time writing posts.

Anywho. I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary at my hospital. Yayh. Still dating same guy, and it's been just lovely. So overall things have been good. I'm planning on starting back school next year, but we will see. I might start sooner if I can get my mind set on exactly what I want to do.

Later alligators.