Today is a bit rare. I actually have some time to write on this here ole blog thing. Well, maybe I've had time here and there, but between sleeping and complaining I kept putting it off.
Here's the current list of complaints: my back hurts, heavy ass work assignments, zero interest in budgeting my monies effectively, bills, no trips on the horizon, patients asking for stupid things, AOS (attending over-ordering syndrome), brand new impossible charting standards, cold weather, other people's weddings that bogart my time off, lack of desire to work out, days off that are spent running errands/cleaning, and just that circular grind that happens as soon as you get a big girl job.
I walked outside this past Sunday into sunlight in a t-shirt for the first time this year. I think that's probably the most cheerful I've been in a while. I'm pretty sure it's just burn out and being over-worked that's kept me down. I even tried a "stay-cation" to help re-set my mind, but all that ended up happening was far too much netflix watching and doing a whole lot of nothing. It was quite nice, but I also feel guilty because I had multiple adult-like responsibilities to get done and...nada.
I knew burn out would eventually happen in this profession. Sure, there's way more I could learn and work towards on improving patient care, but when I have a 12 hr shift that is completely packed with tasks, it is kind of hard to read about new research and refresh my knowledge on protocols. It really does depress me that I can't spend time with a really sick patient because I have twenty other miscellaneous treatments on the floor to finish in a 2 hr window if I want to be compliant with med charting standards.
I never realized when I was getting into this profession that people are lazy. Keeping patients alive is so difficult, and what's even harder is knowing that what we do is futile most of the time. So all those stat orders are just taken with a grain of salt. What's worse are the cliques that form and just let the outsiders flounder when they need help.
I need to sleep. And do a little more pondering.
