More studying, more personal problems

I try to keep my reaaaally personal life out of the blog. It's hard sometimes, because I'm trying to use this blog as a complete vent source about school. I've kept diaries before, and I always blended school and home life intertwined together like chunky monkey ice cream (yes, bananas and walnuts go together like a dream).

This blog is different. I just need to keep that in mind. It's really hard sometimes, especially when my friends are MIA when I tried to call them tonight. I did talk to my mom for a minute, but it wasn't enough to really get out any frustrations. I suppose the best way to explain the situation without involving any details is that I'm having issues trying to improve in my relationship, and keeping the boat above water in school.

Sometimes the feeling of inadequacy is just ever-present. It's an impending cloud that's grey, and dense, and has no signs of ever passing. This cloud hasn't always been there. I know it won't stay there forever, and eventually it will pass. It's really blocking what I love most, the sun. The sun will always shine, and I will too.

School's been the most intense class 5 series of rapids. The minute I get past one insane drop, it all starts over on the next without pause. Taking a second to hop into an eddy is pure bliss, but could also mean a disastrous turn into a re-circing hole. That's where I feel like I am right now. Stuck in a hole that is tossing me around like a towel in a washing machine. Perhaps soon I will resurface for air.

I know my mood is generally pretty chipper, and I always take a positive outlook on life. Nothing ever good comes from constantly being agitated and annoyed. I will occasionally let myself listen to really depressing music (Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Moonlight Sonata, etc. etc.), and it usually helps me to cry it out a bit. It's pretty late, but I don't really see an end to this pathetic whiny blog entry while Nora Jones is on pandora...

So anyway, a true update on school. It's a fairly good chance I will come out of this quarter alive. Taking Microbiology and A&P2 together is just fucking ridiculous. I know I'll be fine for acceptance into the program and everything, so I just have to get through the next two weeks. Two weeks and then I will have relatively easy classes for 6 months.

Btw, I'm an ENFP, if anyone's interested in Keirsy temperment testing.

Today was rough. School was so-so, but the personal life has been failing a lot lately. Fucking inadequacies. Sometimes I wish I was the perfect person for him, but sometimes I really wonder if I'm good enough. What a terrible thought to have in my mind.

I just have two more weeks, and I'll be able to take a second for myself. Unwind this ball of yarn that is so tightly wound.

Adieu

Beat down

I know this blog has taken a back seat lately. I don't think I've even posted since the last quarter was over. This last month has been insanity. Taking Microbiology and A&P 2 together was a good idea to me since it meant I would most definitely enter the program in early registration, but it has just drained me. Mentally, physically, and most definitely emotionally. I just don't have the time to fuck around like I used to. I know that things will change once this quarter is over (THREE MORE WEEKS), and I'll be happy that I finished my prereqs early and got accepted. Sigh. It still sucks because I'm totally bogged down with what seems like an unbelievable amount of work.

I have three weeks left, and like, a million more tests to study for. I'm just aiming to make B's in these classes really. I can't imagine pulling two A's. I just don't have it in me this quarter. Anyway, there's not a lot I can do but just commit to the workload and pray that I don't bomb these tests this week. I did a little too much slacking this weekend, but hopefully I can find some Crack Cocaine this week and shoot it up before my study sessions. Hah.

Side note: Does anyone remember the Always Sunny In Philadelphia episode when Sweet D and Dennis become Crack addicts so they can be on welfare? "I would like one crack, please." Looove that episode.

Right now I'm in Epidemiology and the Urinary system. I do have to say that these two sections have been my least favorite so far. Urinary is just so boring to me. I wished that we spent more time in the Respiratory section, but my teacher is a fucking RETARD and rambled on into Urinary before she adequately explained Respiratory. Fucking idiot. I can't wait to write a lovely little note to her at the end of the quarter blasting her for her inadequacies as a teacher. I spend too much extra time studying to make up for her bullshit. But whatever, I couldn't transfer to another class due to scheduling conflicts. fuck. me.

Alright, enough rambling today. I have to finish the Urinary section tonight, otherwise I won't be able to study Micro at all tomorrow. I am soooo tired of this run-around. I know it's not going to get any better until about the 2nd week in September.

Later gators